<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Reverie by Jij</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22533943">Reverie</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jij/pseuds/Jij'>Jij</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 12:53:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,439</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22533943</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jij/pseuds/Jij</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Out of sight, out of mind?<br/>Not quite. After returning from studying abroad, Hyunjin is faced with feelings he thought he had left in the past.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue: Stargazing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't really know what this is supposed to be. I am cheating on my main fic with this, but I wrote this to cope okay? Well, at first, now this is more like a prologue to the main chapter, which I have yet to write. This is kinda shitty, but I hope you'll still enjoy it and stick around for the second chapter that I will invest a more time and effort in. Anyways, enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hyunjin had received an invitation. An invitation to the birthday party of his best friend from high school, Seungmin. Hyunjin felt wary about it, an odd feeling settling in the pit of his stomach. He got the invitation in the mail, a proper letter. It seemed a bit old-fashioned, even though the invitation still indicated that he was supposed to confirm or reject the invitation via text message to Seungmin’s cell phone. However, the rather strange way of inviting someone to a 21<sup>th</sup> birthday, which would be most likely just young adults getting drunk out of their minds, was not the reason for Hyunjin's uneasiness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Seungmin had not only been his best friend through basically his whole life in high school, he had also been his high school love. And yes, it was love, not just a crush and that had made things complicated for Hyunjin. </p>
<p>Throughout the first year of high school Hyunjin didn’t have any friends; only if you count the two classmates that he always paired up with for group projects, because they knew they could get the best grades like that. Hyunjin's family was rich due to an old family business. Because of his family's reputation, his parents were very strict on how and with who Hyunjin would spend his free time. As a consequence, there were a lot of rumors about him in school and he got labeled as the ice prince who only cares for his grades.  At first, he tried his best to be polite about it and tried correcting other people’s impression. Though, in the end, there is only so much Hyunjin was able to do and he started to accept his situation. However, one faithful day in his second year should change his whole life and make him happier than he had ever been.</p>
<p>It had been the second week of his second year in high school. Hyunjin had already accepted that the second year would be just as uneventful and joyless as the first. Until their homeroom teacher announced that a new student would join them. As the student introduced himself, Hyunjin locked eyes with him. That was his chance to make a friend. Now there was someone who didn’t know about his reputation or his quite intimidating family background. Hyunjin was determined to befriend the new student. Even if his parents objected, he would definitely ask him to hang out after school and play video games or something, just like every other student his age. Hyunjin had felt a surge of rebellion at that moment, he remembered that feeling vividly. And as if the gods had sensed his wishes, Seungmin, after finishing his introduction, went straight to Hyunjin's table to sit on the empty chair next to him.</p>
<p>Things took their course and soon the two of them ended up inseparable.  Their friendship grew stronger and stronger. Hyunjin felt incredibly fond towards Seungmin, like he couldn’t imagine a life without him anymore. When he was around the other, everything was okay and the trouble he had at home wasn’t important anymore. He wasn't the only one at their school, that had taken a liking to the new student though. Contrary to Hyunjin, Seungmin had become quite popular in school. Hyunjin wasn’t upset by that, even though he did prefer having Seungmin all to himself; he understood why his classmates wanted to get to know his best friend. After all he was a smart, friendly and sweet looking boy. Hyunjin wasn’t upset, because even when Seungmin had found some other friends or made new acquaintance, he always made Hyunjin his priority and everyone just knew, that they couldn’t get between the two.</p>
<p>It had been in their last year of high school, that Hyunjin got his heartbroken without him realizing right away. A few months before their graduation, Seungmin introduced him to his first girlfriend. It was a weird situation to Hyunjin; the thought that Seungmin would find a partner one day hadn’t crossed his mind. The concept of having a girlfriend seemed unrealistic to Hyunjin, his parents would never allow him to have one anyways. And since it hadn't been an option for him, he had just assumed it would be the same for Seungmin. It made Hyunjin feel stupid for being so self-centered and apparently not being interested enough in his best friends feelings. Up until that day, they hadn’t talked about romantic relationships. And now he was standing in front of a pretty and polite girl introducing himself as Seungmin's girlfriend. He was smiling, because Seungmin was smiling, but it didn’t feel one hundred percent genuine. Seungmin was happy though and that meant he needed to be happy as well, right?</p>
<p>As he was laying in bed that night, he tried to analyze the odd feeling that seemed to eat away at him. Staring at the ceiling, he replayed that day’s events in front of his inner eye. Quickly he noted that it was, in fact, Seungmin's girlfriend that made him feel irritated. But why? Seungmin was happy with his girlfriend, so why did he feel like that girl was his enemy for life? He didn’t come to a conclusion that night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Though, as time went on, Hyunjin slowly came to realize that he had fallen in love with his best friend.</p>
<p>He noticed the warmth that spread in his core, whenever he was near the other and how only Seungmin was able to make him genuinely smile. And what he also realized - and he really wished he hadn’t - was that whenever he met Seungmin with his girlfriend he experienced a heavy feeling of bitter-sweet turmoil. Putting his feelings into words was still difficult for him. It was hard to pinpoint exactly, if he was jealous, sad or happy, but he concluded it must’ve been all of them at once. He was happy for Seungmin's new-found love, but still upset that the other hadn't felt the need to talk to him about his feelings beforehand. Were they not close enough to talk about stuff like that? Hyunjin blamed himself for it, after all he hadn’t tried talking to Seungmin about crushes or love either. But it also didn’t appear to him that he had to; because there was nothing or no one he was longing for when he was together with his best friend.</p>
<p>Hyunjin then realized that he was jealous of Seungmin's girlfriend, because them spending time together meant that Hyunjin would get to spend less time with Seungmin. He thought that was a reasonable explanation for the bitter feeling in his core. Seungmin was his only friend after all. Still, there was more to it. He did not only want to spend the time with Seungmin, that Seungmin was currently spending with his girlfriend. Hyunjin also wanted to do the things with him that the other did with his girlfriend - and he was not thinking about doing homework together. He wouldn’t say no to that, but there was still something else he was yearning for. Whenever he had to witness Seungmin pecking his girlfriend on her cheek, casually snaking an arm around her waist or kissing her goodbye, Hyunjin wished it was him. Hyunjin wished to be next to Seungmin and show him how fond of the other he really was. He wanted to be the sun to Seungmin's orbit just as much as Seungmin was his.Though tragically, If Hyunjin was Seungmin's sun then someone had gotten closer to his sun and became Seungmin's moon; Hyunjin, being too far away, was burning by himself. It was love, that had developed slowly and had been recognized too late. Hyunjin decided to not act on it. Seungmin looked happy and he didn’t want to ruin that for him. He didn’t want to cause trouble and he also didn’t want to get his heart broken another time; by not only loving alone, but also losing his best friend.</p>
<p>When Hyunjin and Seungmin parted ways to go to different universities after high school, they promised to stay in touch. Seungmin and his girlfriend went to the university of their city, while Hyunjin went to study abroad at a fancy university his parents had picked for him. At first, they texted regularly, but hearing about all the new things Seungmin did and places he explored with his girlfriend, hurt Hyunjin. His responses became shorter and less enthusiastic with time. They didn’t get into an argument or anything, they just slowly stopped texting each other, safe for the birthday texts. And it seemed to be fine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Seungmin's invitation didn’t come as a surprise; he celebrated his birthday every year. In contrast, Hyunjin never celebrated his birthday, at least not by throwing a party. After all his only real friend was Seungmin and they used to see each other daily anyways. Why bother throwing a party when the person you want to see on your birthday is already there and baking a cake for you anyways?</p>
<p>Seungmin's invitation wasn’t a surprise, but what changed everything for him was the fact that Hyunjin had returned to their hometown. He had finished his bachelor’s degree abroad and was currently applying for internships while living in his parents’ house again. There was no excuse to not go. And Hyunjin genuinely wanted to go and see Seungmin again. Even though he knew that it was going to open old wounds when he would see another of Seungmin's loving stares not being directed at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night, Hyunjin sat at his desk with nervous fingers around his cellphone and an adrenaline rush exciting his tired body. He typed a message to the number that had been printed on his invitation.</p>
<p>“Hey Seungmin, it’s Hyunjin. Thank you for the invitation. I’m currently at home and I’d love to come to your party. Looking forward to it!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Lovedrunk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>okay, so this whole fic just turned out to be even longer than I thought. I feel so bad for my other fics, because this was meant to be a one-shot initially. And it probably doesn't even look like I would spend a lot of time on this, but English is my second language and even though I feel comfortable with the language it still takes me comparatively long. Anyways, I hope you like this chapter and sorry for not finishing this already. I decided to make it three chapters instead of just two, because of the structure and also, because I wanted to update already :D I'll try to finish it next week and then return to writing Blooming Good and Evil, which is the fic I should be working on.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hyunjin was sitting on the carpet in front of his opened closet, clothes strewn about the room. It was the day of Seungmin's birthday party and he was currently contemplating on what to wear. With mixed feelings he stared at the assortment of clothes. He didn’t know how he was feeling about tonight which made it difficult to decide on the outfit. He already discarded his leather jacket on the pile of clothes that he wasn’t going to wear. The leather jacket would have probably made it harder for him to socialize. With his tall build, inky black hair and eyes, that more often than not gave him a sharp expression, he was already perceived as intimidating. A leather jacket on top of that, even though he had to say he looked pretty hot wearing it, could make him look unapproachable. He couldn’t risk that. After all, Seungmin was the only person at the party he knew and that meant he had to socialize at some point during the celebration, because realistically he couldn’t spend the whole night bothering his former best friend. Even though ideally, he would.</p>
<p>Technically there was no one he needed to impress with his appearance at the party. Hyunjin had lost hope that he could somehow still charm Seungmin, so that he would leave his girlfriend and be with him, a long time ago. Then again you can always try, right? And if for nothing else, then Seungmin should still notice that he was doing well. He was doing well; Just still not over his best friend loving someone else.</p>
<p>In the end Hyunjin decided to dress simple; black trousers paired with white sneakers and a loose shirt in a soft light blue color. But as he looked himself up and down in the mirror, he just felt like crying. If it was anyone else’s birthday party, he wouldn’t have cared at all about what he was wearing, but the whole ordeal took him nearly two hours. And now his whole appearance to him just screamed: “Seungmin! Look at me and only me”. It was obvious that he had spent a lot of time on styling his hair to perfection, dark brown eyeshadow softened his features and made them enticing at the same time, the tinted lip balm was applied with someone's kiss in mind, and to Hyunjin it just looked pathetic in its own way. To top it all off, Hyunjin had picked his shirt fully aware of the fact that light blue was indeed Seungmin's favorite color.</p>
<p>Sighing loudly, he concluded that it was a hopeless case. Dejected he grabbed his keys, shoved his phone into one of his pockets and headed for his car, all while mentally preparing himself for a night of suffering.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hyunjin arrived fashionably late, but not on purpose; his car, a black Volvo he had gotten as a gift from his parents for his 18<sup>th</sup> birthday and never driven ever since, had had barely enough fuel to get him to the gas station. So, him getting used to the car again and refueling the car had taken him quite some time.  He decided to park nearby and walked the remaining distance to Seungmin's house. It was a warm late summer’s evening and if it weren't for the nervousness stirring in his guts he would have enjoyed the short walk a lot. The setting sun painted the sky with pink and lavender hues and dipped the neighborhood in orange light. Hyunjin closed his eyes in comfort as a light breeze tickled his skin. In that moment Hyunjin felt the strong urge to lie in the grass and observe the sky changing its colors, trying not to get annoyed by any bugs that decided to tickle his skin. Particularly, he was reminded of the days during their shared summers when Hyunjin would visit Seungmin nearly every day and they would watch the sky together until it got too cold to do so.</p>
<p>As Hyunjin was about to walk up to the front door, said door opened abruptly. Seungmin must have seen him walking up to his house through the window, because he immediately focused his gaze on the older boy and a smile spread on his features. The happiness of seeing an old friend after such a long time was clearly written all over his face.</p>
<p>Seungmin ran up to him and engulfed him in a hug. Hyunjin stiffened as Seungmin didn’t let go right away as expected but held him even tighter, so that hyunjin could feel him take a deep breath as if he had just opened a window to let in some fresh air. That comparison might be a bit too accurate, since se literally just went out of his house and actually breathing fresh air, so whatever Hyunjin could interpret into the action was discarded again. Hyunjin did enjoy finally being in his best friend's arms once again, but he was still surprised by the other's joy and honestly, for a reason he himself didn't know, hadn't expected Seungmin to be so welcoming. The other seemed to notice Hyunjin's confusion with the intensity of the hug and let go with a sheepish smile.</p>
<p>“Hyunjin, I’m so happy to see you,” Seungmin greeted him with the intention on getting a reaction from an apparently frozen Hyunjin.</p>
<p>Hyunjin was stunned. Upon seeing Seungmin looking at him all smiles and sunshine, Hyunjin felt his heartbeat picking up speed. Seungmin really hadn’t changed all that much, his eyes still emanating the same warmth and his arms around him had still felt like home. If anything, Seungmin became even more handsome as his features had lost some of their youth. Even though they hadn’t seen each other for nearly three years, it seemed like that didn’t change anything for them. Well, Hyunjin had expected things to be awkward between them, because they also hadn’t texted each other regularly for the past year, but Seungmin didn’t seem to think that that should make a difference.</p>
<p>His brain finally catching up with what was happening, Hyunjin quickly nodded and answered with just as much enthusiasm, “I’m so happy to see you too! Happy Birthday, Seungmin!”</p>
<p>Hyunjin didn’t think it was possible, but Seungmin's smile became even sweeter.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Jinnie.”</p>
<p>For a reason that Hyunjin didn’t want to acknowledge at that moment, he felt his cheeks getting warmer at the nickname, that Seungmin used to call him in high school. To add to Hyunjin's inner chaos, Seungmin took his hand to guide him inside. Embarrassed, Hyunjin felt the warmth of his cheeks spread to the tips of his ears, internally ordering himself to get a grip and stay calm.</p>
<p>However, his excitement was quickly diminished as he came face to face with someone he sadly remembered all too well.  It was Seungmin's girlfriend. Hyunjin tried hard not to show how painfully he was ripped out of the little illusion, that had started to develop in his head after being so lovingly welcomed by Seungmin. The illusion that everything was just as it used to be and that there was still hope for his love to be requited.</p>
<p>“Jinnie, you remember Yeri, right?”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah, hi,” Hyunjin replied awkwardly, raising his hand in an attempt to greet her not really knowing what else to do.</p>
<p>Yeri mimicked his action, clearly uncertain how to interact with the other as well.</p>
<p>They had last seen each other in their last year of high school when she started dating Seungmin, but they never really got to know each other. Not interested in being friends, Hyunjin only got to know more about her through whatever Seungmin had told him and it must have been the same for Yeri.</p>
<p>“Great,” Seungmin didn’t seem to notice their awkwardness, too excited by having his two favorite people with him. Fixing his gaze on Hyunjin, he continued in a more serious tone,” Jinnie, I have to go and greet some more guests. I know, you don’t really know anyone but me and Yeri in here, but I hope you’ll still enjoy yourself. You can get drinks in the kitchen, I’ll join you later tonight, promise!”</p>
<p>And with that Seungmin had already turned around to go and greet whoever had just stumbled on his doorstep.</p>
<p>Yeri and Hyunjin were left alone and it was visible that both of them were internally debating how they could free themselves from the uncomfortable atmosphere between them. Both of them didn’t want to offend the other, but there was also nothing interesting to talk about.</p>
<p>“So, uhm, you studied abroad?” Yeri tried starting a conversation. God bless her soul, Hyunjin thought, for at least trying.</p>
<p>Even though Hyunjin was sick of people asking him about his studies, because it hadn’t even been his decision and he honestly hadn’t enjoyed it too much, but also didn’t want to seem ungrateful. So Hyunjin just mustered up a, “Yeah, I finished my bachelors degree this year. It, “he made a vague gesture,” was a valuable experience.”</p>
<p>Once again, awkward silence was about to settle between them, so Hyunjin quickly struggled to keep the conversation going.</p>
<p>“So, how about you? Are you going to write your thesis soon?”</p>
<p>Yeri nodded,” Yes, I’ll start writing it next month.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin took a deep breath, he couldn’t do it. The feigned interest and forced smiles were already draining him of all his energy. He needed a drink.</p>
<p>“Look, uhm, since I just got here, I want to get a drink, okay? I’m sure we’ll see each other around.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin gave Yeri an apologetic smile, before he made his way to the kitchen.</p>
<p>He still knew his way around and you could see that in a way he was at home. In the kitchen he quickly grabbed one of the plastic cups lined up on the table and poured himself a bit of rum, mixing it with some coca cola. He took a big gulp of his drink right away and decided to find a place to sit in the living room and maybe even talk to some people. Of course, avoiding Yeri.</p>
<p>Looking for the couch in the corner of the living room, he found it to be already occupied and decided to search for an alternative. Suddenly, his foot got blocked and he nearly stumbled over something on the ground – or rather someone.</p>
<p>“Hey man, watch where you’re going!” an annoyed voice complained, but without any real bite to it.</p>
<p>Hyunjin looked down and was met with a squirrel-looking boy whose eyebrows were furrowed in slight irritation. Next to him sat a blonde boy with freckles dotting his cheeks and a curious glint in his widened eyes. Just by looking at their expressions Hyunjin could tell that both of them were already tipsy - well, and by the cups and bottles standing between them on the ground.</p>
<p>“Excuse me? Why are you even sitting on the ground,” Hyunjin argued, his sour mood from earlier threatening to take over again.</p>
<p>“Whatever, dude. There’s no other place to sit and we were tired of standing. It’s actually not that bad. At least it isn’t, when there are no tall people walking around overlooking you,” the freckled boy sassed, but then offered with a goofy grin,” Come sit with us!”</p>
<p>To be fair, Hyunjin really hadn’t been looking, too focused on checking the couch on the other side of the room. And technically, where the two were sitting had been chosen strategically. There were sitting in a corner with their backs facing the wall and there was enough distance between them and where people would usually walk, it was just that Hyunjin hadn’t been paying attention when he bumped into the boy.</p>
<p>With a shrug and a mumbled apology for earlier, he decided to join the two boys. Hyunjin didn’t want to pass up this opportunity to make some friends and save his night. So, he downed the remnants of his drink and sat down on the ground creating a kind of circle between them with the bottles and their cups in the middle.</p>
<p>“I’m Felix by the way,” the blonde boy grinned at him and then pointed at his friend and playfully added,” and this grumpy squirrel here is Jisung,” Felix introduced them while simultaneously taking Hyunjin's now empty cup and poured him a drink.</p>
<p>“Yo man, wassup?” Jisung shouted into his ear, making Hyunjin flinch. Jisung's antics might have been a bit irritating, but at the same time they eased Hyunjin, because it reassured him that he wouldn’t be thought of as annoying if this kind of behavior was acceptable. Then again, Hyunjin reminded himself, that he was still at a party and shouldn’t take things so seriously. His two new acquaintances seemed to be genuinely friendly. So, when Felix handed his cup back to him, Hyunjin accepted the cup with a nod, suspiciously eyeing the mixture but taking a sip anyways. It tasted horrible, but he didn’t dare complain to his new friend.</p>
<p>“Nice to meet you two, I’m Hyunjin,” he introduced himself and quickly continued so as to not suffer in awkward silence once again,” How do you guys know Seungmin?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> “We study at the same university. Seungmin and I both study photography and Felix is at the arts department too, but studies performing art,” Jisung piped up. He seemed to be easily excitable, considering that only moments ago he had been scowling at Hyunjin but was now happily engaging in conversation with him.</p>
<p>Felix joined with curious eyes,” How do you know Seungmin?”  </p>
<p>“Seungmin and I were best friends in high school.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin winced internally at the use of past tense. He just wasn’t sure if he still had the right to call him his best friend. To Hyunjin, Seungmin was still his best friend, but unlike Hyunjin, Seungmin appeared to have been living an exciting life with a lot of new developments and Hyunjin seemed to have lost his place in it. Hyunjin realized once more that he hasn’t been living his life to its fullest ever since he had been apart from Seungmin and it irritated him greatly. But what was he supposed to do anyways? His heart couldn’t change just like that and he wasn't able to move on.</p>
<p>Noticing that Hyunjin was about to get lost in thought, Felix took initiative to keep the conversation going,” We must have gone to the same high school then!”</p>
<p>Now Jisung's face lit up,” I remember! Yes, I remember you were the one who everyone called ice prince. You know, I think I would’ve approached Seungmin sooner to talk to him about photography, but you two seemed to be attached at the hip.”</p>
<p>Suddenly Jisung let out a yelp. Felix had slapped him lightly on the back if his head.</p>
<p>“Sungie, you can’t just say that. You know it’s not the nicest thing for someone to be getting avoided like that,” Felix scolded.</p>
<p>Jisung pouted,” I didn’t mean to be rude. I actually thought you were a cool ice prince.”</p>
<p>“Ji-“ Felix started, again trying to teach the boy some empathy. However, he was cut off by Hyunjin's giggle.</p>
<p>Hyunjin was amused by the drunk bickering of the two and Jisung’s clumsy way with words.</p>
<p>“It’s okay, I kinda knew that most of the students had that sort of impression of me anyways.”</p>
<p>“So, how come you and Seungmin didn’t go to the same university?” Felix asked curiously.</p>
<p>Hyunjin let out a sigh, but still answered with a calm voice,” I actually wanted to attend the same university as Seungmin, but my parents decided for me that I should study abroad to get the qualifications I need to take over the family business one day.”</p>
<p>Jisung's eyes widened,” Wow, you really are a prince! The heir of a big company, huh? It must’ve been so cool to study abroad!”</p>
<p>Hyunjin let out a sarcastic chuckle.</p>
<p>“To be honest, I kinda hated it,” Hyunjin answered bitterly and took a big gulp from his cup. The drink still tasted disgusting.</p>
<p>His two new friends looked at him with a hint of concern in their eyes, not knowing what to do with the boy in front of them, who suddenly looked rather depressed.</p>
<p>They were even more clueless, when Hyunjin's mood took another unexpected turn. His sad eyes had zeroed in on something near the door and were narrowing at the sight. Gaze cold and lips pressed into a thin line, Hyunjin looked somewhat angry; silent fury stoically contained in his body, but still visibly tinging his stare.</p>
<p>From where he sat on the ground with Jisung and Felix, Hyunjin had perfect vision of the door where Seungmin was around most, since he had to greet all the new guests that were still arriving to the party. It seemed like Seungmin had become even more popular while Hyunjin was gone from his side. Bitterly he stared at the person who stood besides Seungmin again - Yeri.</p>
<p>Felix followed his gaze and shortly after, Jisung also looked for whoever the two of them were focusing on.</p>
<p>“Yo, dude. Why are you staring at that girl like she’s your arch enemy?” Jisung asked without thought.</p>
<p>“Idiot! Obviously, she is! Our buddy here, is plotting on how to defeat her and take back his Seungmin,” Felix joked, feeling very witty because of his creative interpretation. He laughed at his own joke, but little did he know that he’d hit the nail on its head.</p>
<p>‘His Seungmin’ Hyunjin repeated Felix' words in his head; a conflicting thought.</p>
<p>Felix still laughing, looked at Hyunjin to check if his newfound friend was appreciating his sense of humor. However, upon seeing Hyunjin's face, which had only gotten darker and more serious, Felix stopped laughing abruptly and mouth slightly ajar at what he had discovered.</p>
<p>“Wait, you actually… you are jealous that Seungmin”-</p>
<p>“No,” Hyunjin cut him off before he could voice his thoughts, which were also a hundred percent accurate and he knew it.</p>
<p>“Everything’s absolutely peachy. I’m having a great time and seeing Seungmin happy is great too,” he stated through gritted teeth and downed the rest of his drink in one go, not once adverting his gaze from the two people in question. The disgusting taste of the alcohol flooded his senses for the third time. Somehow it tasted even worse. He had to shake himself and squint his eyes in disgust, because honestly what Felix had put in his cup was really not something for occasional drinkers like Hyunjin.</p>
<p>“Damn, what did you even put in there? That tasted horrible?”</p>
<p>“Well, you also weren’t supposed to just down it,” Felix argued, slightly offended that Hyunjin didn’t appreciate his bartender skills.</p>
<p>“How is that important? It tasted disgusting even when I drank it slowly. Taking my time just extended my misery!”</p>
<p>Hyunjin, struggled to get up from the ground, having decided that he had tasted enough shitty alcohol to be able to try and enjoy himself on the dance floor.</p>
<p>He made his way to the small space in the living room that was the dance floor for tonight and where a small dancing crowd had already gathered.</p>
<p>Hyunjin felt the effect of Feix' mixture fully kick in as he started swaying to the music, but vaguely noticed that he didn’t feel as graceful as he usually did when he danced. He continued feeling the rhythm and moving in sync nonetheless. Though eventually, he felt the slight buzzing in his head increase and develop into a unsettling dizziness. A bit too wobbly in his knees, he was grateful for the support of another dancing body approaching him and steadying him with a hand on his hips. Feeling a bit too warm and already smelling the heavy scent of bodies being too close, Hyunjin closed his eyes and leaned his head back in a miserable attempt to breath in cooler air. Another wave of disorientation hit him and he sought for something to hold onto. The back of the stranger’s neck being a convenient length away from him, Hyunjin rested his forearms on the others shoulders while clasping his hands behind his back. After another while of swaying around, albeit a bit steadier than before, Hyunjin found himself and the stranger, who he dully noted was indeed very attractive, full on slow dancing to a song that wasn’t really intended for that kind of dance.</p>
<p>Suddenly, he felt a strong grip on his shoulder. Noting that both of the stranger’s hands were loosely planted on his hips, he wondered who the owner of the third hand currently invading his personal space could be. Hyunjin turned around and was immediately fully focused on who was standing in front of him. Entranced by the intense gaze of Seungmin, whose hand decisively wandered down from his shoulder to grab his wrist, Hyunjin quickly forgot about the handsome dancer. He was only reminded of him when he saw Seungmin's eyes harden while looking past him at the other, but Hyunjin still didn’t quite realize what was actually happening, just that Seungmin was now dragging him away from the dance floor. Hyunjin didn’t even question his friend’s action even though Seungmin kept on mumbling some excuses about them needing to discuss something. He kept on dragging him out into the wide backyard and then further into his garden until they were near a set of old swings. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed it :D Also please appreciate my investment in this story, I actually drank wine while writing this chapter, because the characters were also drinking lol it's immersive story telling you know :D Anyways, I promise not to add another chapter after the next one and finish this soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Disillusion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! This is the final chapter, enjoy!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Seungmin whirled around and took both of Hyunjin's hands in his.</p>
<p>Hyunjin fell under Seungmin's spell once again; the boy he loved was once again the focal point of his existence. Seungmin's eyes were brimming with emotion and he seemed to emanate a feeling that Hyunjin couldn’t quite understand just yet. The aura around the boy he loved felt thick, like you could grasp it, but not destroy or diffuse it. Hyunjin felt electricity in the air, prickling his skin and where their skin touched fire sparked. It was difficult to read Seungmin's expression, it looked like he was torn between sadness and anger. Not knowing what to do, Hyunjin just held his gaze and looked at the other with concern as well as expectation to signal the other that he would listen to whatever Seungmin wanted to tell him.</p>
<p>Then suddenly, unmistakable hurt flitted across his features and turned into desperation. Seungmin adverted his stare, looking to the side and then to the ground. His face was distorted in an attempt to not lose control over his expression, but he still had to sacrifice a tear slipping from his eye.</p>
<p>When Seungmin looked back up to face Hyunjin, the latter drew in a shaky breath; he felt a pang in his heart upon seeing Seungmin's sorrow.</p>
<p>“Hyunjin,” he heard Seungmin whisper with a pained voice.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” both of them said simultaneously.</p>
<p>Hyunjin would’ve laughed at their timing, if he wasn’t so heartbroken looking at Seungmin. If Hyunjin were to be honest, he didn’t know exactly what he was apologizing for, but he knew it was the right thing to do. He also didn’t know why Seungmin said it, but then the other let go of his Hyunjin's hands. For a short moment Hyunjin was even more confused, until he felt two hands on the sides of his face and had to look directly into Seungmin's eyes, who were mere millimeters away from him.</p>
<p>Hyunjin felt like dying as he felt a pair of soft lips on his. His eyes closed automatically and he melted into the touch. He felt like dying the death he had waited for so long and at the same time, he felt like a phoenix rising from his ashes. The tension was palpable and his insides felt like they were combusting with warm excitement. When he felt the sensation of Seungmin's lips vanish, a heavy feeling grew in his chest; the yearning of someone who had been deprived of the one thing he had been wishing for his entire life and only now received a sample. He couldn't let it slip away. He couldn’t refrain anymore, he had to pursue his only desire. And the desired was once again looking at him with despair in his eyes.</p>
<p>Hyunjin lightly shook his head, tears brimming in his eyes. Having set his mind on what felt like the right thing to do, he decided it was his turn. He pulled Seungmin close with one hand around his waist and guided their lips to one another with the other hand in Seungmin's hair. Seungmin was quick to embrace Hyunjin as well and they found a rhythm of moving with each other naturally. If Hyunjin had risen out of his aches before he was now falling, into water. He felt like drowning. But drowning felt just right, because he had been parched and was happily welcoming the masses of water even if it meant he would die of another cause. Dying in Seungmin's arms just didn’t feel bad at all.</p>
<p>Eventually their kisses lost fervency both realizing that, even though they were still longing for each other’s touch, they had to talk things through because most of their questions weren't answered by kissing.</p>
<p>“Seungmin… why? Why tonight?” Hyunjin was confused, even though finally kissing Seungmin felt great and he was feeling uncontrollable happiness bubble inside of him, everything was overshadowed by his general confusion with the whole situation.</p>
<p>“Hyunjin, because I love you. I’ve been in love with you a long time,” Seungmin confessed with a bittersweet smile on his lips and eyes that were begging for forgiveness, but at the same time shining with hope.</p>
<p>That only added to Hyunjin's confusion, “No, you haven’t. I have!” Hyunjin refused irritated.  Was his mind playing tricks on him? <em>He</em> was supposed to say that to Seungmin and not the other way around.</p>
<p>“Seungmin, I have been in love with you ever since high school!” He had planned confessing that in a more romantic way, if at all, but this situation was just so absurd to him.</p>
<p>Seungmin looked down at their intertwined hands.</p>
<p>“I know, ”Seungmin whispered so quietly that at first Hyunjin thought he hadn't understood what Seungmin had said at all, but when Seungmin looked at him with tears sparkling in his eyes Hyunjin knew that he understood him correctly.</p>
<p>Suddenly Hyunjin felt exhausted; he felt like a piece in a play where the game master’s main goal was to ridicule him and make him suffer.</p>
<p>“Seuungmin,” he sighed, feeling defeat taking over,” are you drunk? Please - “</p>
<p>“I’m not drunk, you idiot!”  Seungmin cut him off, “okay, maybe a little bit, but that doesn’t change anything. I love you, okay?”</p>
<p>Even though the desperation in Seungmin's voice made Hyunjin believe him, things still didn’t seem to add up for him.</p>
<p>“But you can’t. You have a girlfriend,” Hyunjin said hesitantly.</p>
<p>“No, I don’t.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin was baffled. He didn’t know what to say, so he just stared at Seungmin, waiting for him to explain. And Seungmin did.</p>
<p>“We broke up a year ago, but I guess you didn’t know because we didn’t keep in touch anymore,” Seungmin took a deep breath,” You know there is something I should’ve told you a long time ago. I’m going to do it today. Even if it’s too late I will tell you about it. Please listen, Hyunjin.”</p>
<p>Stunned by the urgency in Seungmin's voice, Hyunjin only managed a slight nod as a signal for the other to continue.</p>
<p>“Something happened in our last year of high school that I’ve never told you about. I just couldn’t. Or actually I didn’t want to, because I was scared. I was scared of hurting your feelings, Hyunjin. So, please try to understand that I did all this with your happiness in mind even if it seems awfully stupid.”</p>
<p>Seungmin paused for a moment and for a second Hyunjin wanted to protest that he wouldn’t think Seungmin was stupid for anything he could have possibly done, but decided to let Seungmin continue without interrupting.</p>
<p>“You know… when I used to come to your house for your birthday, the only day I was actually allowed to, and we all ate cake and the cupcakes I brought and even though it was awkward as hell I was still happy, but the second time,” Seungmin paused again and took a deep breath,” the second time I had a talk with your parents. You went up to your room for a short while and that left me alone with your parents. At first, I remember, it was just awkward silence, but then your mother told me that she noticed how close we were. She had noticed how you were looking at me. At first, I was confused why she was telling me all these things with such a sour face, but then she continued talking about how she had mapped out your life already and then she told me they wanted you to marry this girl from some kind of super important family. She told me that I can’t lead you on like this; your parents didn’t want you to be “confused”. Hyunjin… she didn’t have to spell it out for me, you know? I knew what she meant when she mentioned how you looked at me, because I noticed it too. And I liked the way you looked at me, because I knew that we felt the same towards each other. It would’ve only been a matter of time until one of us would have expressed his feelings. However, I definitely took her words to heart. I thought about all this for a long time. I didn’t want to tell you at first, because I didn’t want to strain your relationship with your parents, if you believed me. If you believed me – you know I’m saying this, because I was stupid enough to not trust your judgement. So, you see, I was also scared that maybe you wouldn’t want to believe me and then we would have fought in our last year of high school. I knew that you would go abroad. I was scared that we would end the year on bad terms and that we would be too far apart to make up.”</p>
<p>Seungmin took a deep breath, but it didn’t seem like he was done explaining the whole case.</p>
<p>“I was so confused at that time; I really didn’t know what to do. Eventually, I figured that I should somehow create some distance between us. I thought everything would solve itself. You wouldn’t get into an argument with your parents or me, your image as a business heir would be safe, and we would just slowly fall out of love. Well, obviously it didn’t go as planned. We didn’t argue, but trying to not love you was the hardest challenge I’ve ever taken on. I failed miserably,” he let out a humorless laugh at how ridiculous it all sounded, now that he was trying to describe what happened,” So, I got together with Yeri to make it easier for us. I know it’s ridiculous and not fair for Yeri either. But I identified as bi and thought I would grow fond of her eventually. I knew it made you sad and it made me sad too, but I was young and stupid and really thought I had found the solution. Yeri and I got along quite well, but of course you aren’t supposed to only just get along in a relationship. We weren’t able to create a meaningful relationship and I also didn’t see any point in trying when you and I had lost contact anyway. I felt really sorry towards her, but surprisingly we’re still very good friends. I honestly feel more apologetic towards you. In hindsight, I realize that I’ve hurt you the most and you didn’t take it as easy as I would have expected you to. I noticed the hurt in your eyes up until the very end when you boarded your flight to study abroad.”</p>
<p>Hyunjin was speechless at this revelation. In an attempt to figure out his feelings, he tried reinterpreting everything that had happened in the past few years with the newly discovered bit of crucial information.</p>
<p>Hyunjin noticed that it must have taken him a bit too long to sort out his feelings, because his train of thought was interrupted by a soft sniffling. Hyunjin looked at Seungmin and noticed that the other had started crying. Seungmin had probably jumped to a conclusion, which was most likely that Hyunjin wasn’t responding, because he was mad at him.</p>
<p>Seungmin had to shut his eyes, tears stinging them. It took him a lot of strength to tell Hyunjin about their past and he feared that he had ruined their relationship for good. He feared Hyunjin would never want to speak to him again, until he suddenly felt soft fingers touching his skin. Hyunjin had taken Seungmin's face in both of his hands and with his thumbs he was gently wiping away the tears that were rolling down Seungmin's cheeks. He then lifted Seungmin's head up, so that the other would look at him again.</p>
<p>In a comforting voice, which made Seungmin feel warm inside, Hyunjin finally responded,” Seungmin, you don’t need to cry, it’s okay. Maybe it wouldn’t have been the right time anyways. You know, back then we were in high school, we probably would have damaged our relationship with immaturity if we would have actually gotten together. But now, we still feel the same, right? We know what we are feeling is unconditional love. We can try again. I am prepared and ready to rebel against my parents, we don't need to worry about them. We can work this out together.”</p>
<p>Seungmin had stopped crying while Hyunjin was comforting him, but just as Hyunjin had finished his last sentence, tears began to well up in his eyes once again.</p>
<p>“I love you,” Seungmin let out with a sudden sob and buried his face in the curve of Hyunjin's neck.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>What was happening was still difficult to process for Hyunjin. During the past few years he had given up on the idea of holding Seungmin close and them confessing their love for each other, but that was exactly what was happening right now and he just couldn’t believe it. He felt light, like he was floating on a cloud through the sky of this warm summer’s night. He had never been happier than in this moment, Seungmin in his arms.</p>
<p>With a fond smile on his lips, Hyunjin drew Seungmin closer and pressed a soft kiss on the crown of the boy’s head – the boy whom he had loved for years and was sure to love for years to come.</p>
<p>“I love you too, Seungmin.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading til the end! How did you like it? is the ending what you expected? I mean I guess it was clear that they would end up together lol anyways I appreciate feedback a lot! In between, I felt like what I was writing was a bit too dramatic and I went a bit over board, but well, I also didn't want to change it. Whoops!<br/> Have a nice day my dear lovely reader!!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading! Have a nice day!! Tell me about what you expect from this :D I mean there's not much to work with yet, but still :DD<br/>Also I'm super confused with the tenses in this chapter, because technically I am writing the whole thing in past tense. So, I generally write in simple past and also use past progressive and past perfect. And in this chapter I kinda I am telling a story from the past in a story that's already set in the past, right? So I know, technically, I am supposed to use past perfect when I talk about the past in the past. Oh my god. But it feels so unnatural to write multiple paragraphs in past perfect :(( Idk I hope it was still okay to read. If you have advice please tell me! In my confusion, I just extended the gaps between paragraphs to at least indicate some structure lol oh my</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>